Top Six Funny Things Overheard in the Courtroom

court reporter washington dcThe Court Reporters at Capital Reporting Company handle thousands of court cases and depositions a year. Once in a while, a Washington DC court reporter is bound to hear something surprising or even silly. All the same, a court reporter’s job is to transcribe this information word for word. Here are some of the funniest transcriptions we’ve gathered from around the web. We can relate to these court reporters’ struggling to keep a straight face!

Here’s our number one court reporter tip: Remember everything goes on record, so watch what you say (unlike this witness).

Lawyer: “Do you drink when you’re on duty?”

Witness: “I don’t drink when I’m on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.”


Also remember if you take the stand, nobody likes a wise guy (except maybe an amused court reporter)

Lawyer: “Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?”

Witness: “The victim lived.”


On another note, what’s done in the dark will come out in the transcript

Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?”

Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.

Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?”

Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.

Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?”

Witness: “No.”

…Sometimes even the Fifth Amendment can’t save you


Lawyer: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that Thursday?

Witness: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’

Lawyer: And why did that upset you?

Witness: My name is Susan.

(Something tells us that one was a divorce proceeding.)


They say a lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client…

Accused, Defending His Own Case: “Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?”

(The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.)


But then..this lawyer  may not be the brightest either…

Lawyer: “Do you know how far pregnant you are now?”

Witness: “I’ll be three months on November 8.”

Lawyer: “Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?”

Witness: “Yes.”

Lawyer: “What were you doing at that time?”


Every now and again, the Washington DC court reporters at Capital Reporting Company hear something amusing. In truth, however, a deposition or a court case is no laughing matter. If you need a reliable court reporter for your Washington DC deposition, contact our Washington DC court reporting company today.